12 June, 2009 at 1:42 pm (Various)

Today, while driving back from work I started to think about myself.

I have been struggling to find someone who loves me, and I’ve been feeling lonely so far, and depressed, but that’s not only me, almost every person I met during the day is engaged in the same struggle.
I have not seen yet someone who tells me he doesn’t feel lonely, or better, I have talked with someone who didn’t say it, but I have no met yet.

I was wondering, why is that? Why each one of us keeps feeling lonely and desperately trying to find something that we don’t even know what. Is it true that we are so lonely? or its just a false impression? If I think to my past I have been lonely all the time, sometime it has weighted more, sometime less, but why I have been lonely?
In a society where appearing is more important than being the relationships between beings are certainly neglected, is considered much more important to have next a beautiful girl than someone who really understands us. And is considered more important to give the impression of being successful, of being smart, and having fun, instead of really discovering what lies under the carpet.

Appearance Vs Essence, is not an easy fight, in this time, appearance wins hands down, everything is based on appearance, even relationships: people can be extremely friendly to someone they don’t like, and they can even be partner of someone they don’t even consider as a person, just for the sake of appearance. Is clear why we keep feeling lonely, in our times, there is no space for humans, my cat can be more friendly when he goes out than we humans do when we meet each other. Our life is a poor life, much worse than the life of zoo animals: we wake up in the morning, we take our metal can cars and go to work, where we work till lunchtime, occasionally spending one or two words with the others unfortunates around there, then for lunchtime we go to take something to eat, running, we eat our lunches looking at the watch, not even seeing who is around us, and again in our office we spend the afternoon. At evening we take back our metal can and go home, we are surrounded of other humans jailed in their metal cars, each one of them is looking forward, to his target, we go in the same road but we don’t even know. Then at home, we watch some tv, and maybe go out with friends, where to, to take a drink to some noisy places where talking is not possible, and where appearing is a must, so we do dress carefully, make up wonderfully, and do everything we can to look younger/better/more attractive, like we are going to sell ourselves at the fruit market.
Then if nobody buys us, we go, sad and empty back to home, ready for another day. Of course I DO feel lonely, I would call myself crazy if I don’t! I tried to talk with other humans, the most hurt are unwilling to listen, they are uncomfortable in having to remove their masks of appearance and talk with me like humans: who is this crazy one? why he wants to talk? He is so strange, he makes me feel uncomfortable..
I had this experience many time, only the strongest can open to talk freely, most of the humans i meet just slide like eels, they don’t like this path, is unsafe, they are afraid of being hurt, they are afraid if they open you will slide a sword in the opening and kill them, is much safer to talk of nothing, and hide behind a mask.

I do feel afraid too, most of the time i feel afraid, being grown up in this time, i have been heavily influenced by appearance, and I’ve been scared by the many times i opened and i got hurt, yet, i try my best not to close myself, since there is nothing to gain or to lose from being closed, but there is also no point in living the life that way. I keep hearing the words: carpe diem, take the moment, this is the best possible way to describe the society of appearance. We live in a time where the one who stops and thinks, the one that spends time considering the doubts, the one that refuses to take risks, the one that is gentle and not aggressive is a pure LOSER, there is no space anymore for knowing each other, nowadays the humans have involved back to the club and stone times, they see a pray they like, they hit on the head, and bring home, if the hunt is not good, then try again next time. Well, of course appearance wins, from that kind of point, what would matter if not the appearance alone? The choice is forever gone, everything is based on appearance and luck. In all the people I know, I can find AT LEAST something i like that makes it worth having sort of relations with them, one is good at thinking logically, one is good at music, one is very delicate, one is very strong, and so on..each one of them has something that is worth, and still, they feel lonely.

Loneliness, can’t it be we all feel lonely because all the human relationships have no more way to be in this appearance world? There is no more family, no more relatives, no more friends, nothing, everything is based on success and money, we don’t even know our neighbours, we might have not seen them either at all…How can it be i feel lonely in a over 1 million persons city? I must be crazy, or maybe, the humans in the city are no more humans, but something else.
Yes it must be this the case, we became something else…Something i don’t like, something that has no reason to be, something that will be our doom, the last rock is falling, the family is being destroyed and reassembled into something hybrid, no more families, but a sort of magma of persons sleeping with each other, breaking up, then going back together, then becoming enemies, then disappearing completely. It’s said there is more freedom of feelings now, I do think there is no more feelings now, nor responsibility, nor passion, nor knowledge, nor understanding, in short, there is no more humanity.
If we could only talk again to each other, maybe things could be better, but as things are going now, the next human, will be born without ears…


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